{{pictures to burn

[zaley maria bradley]

This Is The Story Of A Girl



Who Cried A River And Drowned The Whole World

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[zaley maria bradley]

mood ,morose location ,dorm music ,paramore date ,2/13

today,

i read this poem called 'the love song of j alfred prufrock'. it's not really a love song, it couldn't be farther from it, actually. it's actually a very depressing poem...that being said, i really really liked it and i think it fits me very well. a few lines that got to me were

"There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea."

time to prepare a face to meet the faces you will meet....time to murder [my true self] and time to create ....wow. then, these lines:

"And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair...
...Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."

jeez. mr t.s. elliot may not have been an optimist but he definetely got some things right. i mean, yeah, prufrock does a lot of talking and not a lot of doing things, he even says he should have been a crab, because all they do is scuttle sideways, never forwards or even backwards...but god, i feel like him. i can't make any headway at all! except, i AM going backwards. where is my path leading me? to depression, yeah, and addiction, and loneliness...oh, i know loneliness already, anna won't let me have anything BUT loneliness. but death...is it leading me towards death? would anyone care if that happened? i mean, the people who even know my name here, i could probably count them on one hand. so why, then, do i keep fighting? i just don't know, and yet, i do.

love,
me

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