Breathing Beyond Hope

[SHADOW LIZ SNOVER]

Shadow looked out on the sky beyond her, closing her eyes and swinging her legs over the edge of the roof. She wouldn't jump, she didn't know what that would help anymore. Sighing, she started to replay her favorite Hollywood Undead song in her head. There was nothing in this world that disturbed her more than the thought of jumping off something. She may be suicidal, but she wouldn't want ten minutes of a plummet before dieing. Who knew, some people didn't die when they fell off buildings. That would be bad for her, pain, but then again, maybe not that bad. Shae pushed the thoughts of suicide away, taking a deep breath and opening her eyes.

Ever since she had come here, there had been silence, no spirits wondering about, nobody to bother her. But there were so many people, most probably had it worse than her. Alexander had told her to be careful, that no matter where she went, she may still find something dangerous. Then again, Alex didn't know what was going on, that she felt like she could douse the city in oil and set it on fire while listening to City, watching the city fly into flames. He didn't know that, or that she would take him with her to spare him. No, he didn't know too much.

Sighing, Shae shook her head, swinging her legs back and forth like a child. It scared her to think how long she would be here, and what it was like here. What made this place bad was the fact some people were still in cliques. It was as if no matter where they went, she couldn't get away from the groups of people that thought they were better than you, groups that thought they could bully you because you were suicidal or a drug addict. But if you were to put them in the other shoes, they wouldn't want to be bullied, but then the people that were bullied before would bully them. What a world that would be.

Shae looked over her shoulder, seeing if anyone was there, and without finding someone, she looked forward again at what was in front of her. The air seemed soft and the sky gray, her favorite sky. It matched her mood. Suddenly, the hairs on Shadow's neck stood on end and she looked back over her shoulder, finding a ghostly figure watching her. So much for peace from the spirits that haunted her mind. Shadow had no idea why they couldn't just leaver her alone, they'd been bugging her for years. Scars marked her body from those monsters, the ones that attack her.

This wasn't evil though, she could feel that. The spirit that now stood to her right wasn't evil, just there. Most of the spirits had no idea they were dead, for all she knew this could have been someone that went to the school and thought she was still needed here. No, she wasn't need though, she needed to leave. The ghost now sat down next to her, swinging her legs over the shoulder as well. "Why are you here?" she asked it, waiting for an answer that would never come, one that was impossible.

As the thought, nothing came, just silence. Taking another deep breath, Shadow looked over at the spirit that remained at her side, waiting for something. Nothing ever came though, as the minutes ticked on, the spirit seemed to watch her, and wait. There was nothing Shadow could do though other than watch the spirit back, until she started speaking. "My parents left me, when I was born basically. They never really cared, about me or my brother. He was the only one that cared, Alexander I mean, my brother..." Shadow sighed, seeing that the Ghost was watching and seemed to listen, she asked for it's name. Josephina... It came through a voice that would normally be undetectable, but not now. "Josephina." Shadow spoke softly now and sighed, watching the sky.

[/blockquote]

[WILLIAM MOORE]

but the calender says "let's celebrate" and the time is always right
So Let's Go, Let's Go, Let's Get On With This Tonight
I k n o w t h i s i s a f a i r y t a l e i n m y h e a d

WILLIAM DIDN'T often come up here during the day, usually he waited until the night when he could come up and watch the stars while everyone else slept, or paced their dorm rooms. He hadn't slept properly in, god, eight years now. Not since his parents death. Death was the nice way to put it. Death was an almost peaceful word, it gave the impression of illness or car crashes, nothing like the images of murder that filled his head every time he attempted sleep. He'd been here for years now, five years to be exact, and they still hadn't fixed him and freed him from his own memories. He would adore just one night of full sleep, well one that wasn't alcohol induced. But that didn't matter for the moment, he still had the day to kill before the long night swept in. The only problem was that he had nothing to fill the day in with, classes had finished for the day and his friends were all busy with this or that so he had been left to his own devices.

HE MADE his way through the old over-familiar hallways and up the stairs, pushing open the heavy door that was the only access to the rooftop of the school building. Outside the sky glared down in shades of grey and seemed to almost stretched on forever. It looked different up here during the day than it did with the shadows and dark corners created by the darkness of the night. Closing the door behind him, Will looked around, taking in the strange new rooftop, noticing that for the first time in quite awhile he wasn't alone up here. Pulling his earphones out of his ears he silenced the ipod, knowing it was rude to simply ignore the other students presence. He didn't know her, didn't even recognise her from around the school. She sat on the edge of the roof, her back to him and despite the fact that there was only the two of them up here and he doubted she knew he was here yet, she was speaking, though not in the way people talk to themselves, it honestly sounded like she was talking to someone, she even had her head turned, as if she were looking at someone who sat beside her.

HE FROWNED slightly, wondering for a second if he should leave her alone. The fact that she sat there talking to herself, or some unseen person, didn't phase him much, heck, look at the school he was in; it was more that she might want to be alone and he didn't want to intrude. There was something wrong with everyone here, all you had to do was look at their files to know that. His own file would tell you he was 'rank f'. An orphan. He hated being classified like that, it made him lonely in a way and was a constant reminder of why he was here. So even despite his lack of knowledge of this girl and how she was with people he approached her out of pure boredom and the desire to not be alone any longer than necessary. As he got closer her words began to define themselves as she told whoever it was that 'they' had never really cared. She continued on for a second than asked for a name. For a moment he wondered if she had in fact heard him come through the door but that thought was erased when a name quietly left her lips, though, for all he knew, it could have been her own name.

AS SHE lapsed into silence and stared out at the sky before her he covered the last few meters to the edge of the rooftop. "Hey, mind if I join you?" He asked.

tagged' Shadow
status' complete
word count' 634
ooc' This okay?
lyrics' the new utah - rosaline

[SHADOW LIZ SNOVER]

Shadow was listening, not listening for anything in particular until she did hear something, a voice. Someone had asked if they could join her. She turned her head, only to see a boy there, someone she hadn't seen. Then again, Shadow hadn't met anyone yet seeing as she wasn't in any classes yet and that she hadn't come out much. It was different for her to see someone there, and someone who didn't watch her like a crazy person. Shadow looked over to see if her friend was still there, Josephina. She was still there, just watching the boy like Shadow had been, until Shadow looked back at the boy, then Josephina disappeared into the air.

Taking a deep breath, Shadow sighed, not knowing what to say. She wasn't used to talking to anyone anymore, only watching. Her parents had told Shadow never to speak unless spoken to, then again the boy had asked her a question. To answer, or not to answer.. She thought to herself, not really wanting to just sit her alone anymore though. She wanted to speak to someone, not just wait around for someone. Maybe someone else wanted to see something burn, who knew. She didn't though, didn't say anything for another moment, still wondering whether she would say something. She felt rude though, not saying anything, and she didn't want him to leave her alone, left unprotected from the spirits.

For the first time in a while, she would speak to an unknown person, without getting yelled at. "I don't mind." She looked over her shoulder, eyes wary, and nodded. She didn't sound like a crazy person, one that was haunted by the evil spirits that woke her up every night, leaving her bleeding and sliced. No, not like a crazy person. She sat though, looking back out towards the gray that stretched on for miles and miles out in front of her. It was a good place to watch a bond fire, from the top of a roof. What now, was she a pyrotech, maybe it was just the last song she had listened to last night.

Sighing, she closed her eyes and listened to the wind that blew over her, waiting for something else to show up, not knowing what would be there when she opened her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes, almost thinking the boy would be gone, maybe that he wasn't even a real boy, but a figment of her Imagination. Alex always said she had an amazing imagination, very creative and would go far. Then why had he put her in here? Tormented with classes and people that made her feel even more crazy than before with "normal" students.

There is no meaning of normal anymore...She thought to herself, crazy as it was. It was true though, in her sense, that there was no true meaning of normal, at least not any more. She laughed quietly, covering her mouth with her hand, caring, but not really caring what anyone thought of her. It was too late to care, she wasn't crazy, just depressed. Was there a difference though? Yes, in her mind, there was a difference, just like there was a difference between sad and happy, there was a difference between depressed and crazy.

Shadow watched the sky, not really waiting for anything, just wanting to talk to someone, out of boredom. "What's your name?" She asked, looking over her shoulder again, hoping to learn something about this new boy on the roof. She hadn't seen anyone up here in a long time, something she seemed happy about, but also sad. What made it worse for her though, was the mindless babble going on in her mind, from one thing to the other. It made her feel crazier than she was, something that she hated about herself, how crazy it made her feel. Looking down at her feet, Shadow took a deep breath and waited for something again, other than a demonic spirit.

[/blockquote]

occ: this is great
word count: 669

[WILLIAM MOORE]

but the calender says "let's celebrate" and the time is always right
So Let's Go, Let's Go, Let's Get On With This Tonight
I k n o w t h i s i s a f a i r y t a l e i n m y h e a d

HIS VOICE seemed to only half call her attention away from whoever it was she was telling the story to as she glanced back to where she had been previously looking before his approach, leaving him to wonder again if he had interrupted something, despite the lack of another being. That he could see anyway. But she had seemed sure there was something there and he supposed to her, there probably was. But satisfied with whatever she saw, or didn't see, she turned to look at him a second time. He stood, waiting for an answer, not willing to sit down until she had allowed him. As he waited he watched her, not intently and not judging, just watching. She seemed almost unsure with the situation. She took a breath then let it out in a sigh, still not having replied. "I can leave if..." his began but never finished his sentence, instead she broke him off having decided on a reply, sort of. "I don't mind." He smiled lightly at her and swung up onto the edge of the roof beside her, crossing his own legs unlike hers which hung freely over the edge of the building.

WILL BUSIED himself with wrapping his earphones around his Ipod before letting the device fall into his lap while beside him the nameless girl drifted off into her own world, sighing again and closing her eyes. He didn't bother speaking, the quiet didn't bother him and for now she seemed quite content in her own thoughts. Turning his eyes to the layer of grey that stretched over them, smothering any signs of the usual blue sky, he flicked his head, removing the strands of black hair from his eyes though knowing full well they wouldn't stay where he ordered them. His mum probably would have gone off at him for letting his hair grow as it had, but that didn't matter any more did it? He couldn't live by her rules for the rest of his life, not now. Slowly his thoughts were returning again to the past, as they always inevitably did. He sometimes wondered if there would ever be a time when his mind wouldn't drag him back to remember the pain and torment he'd come through but most of the time he just accepted that it would happen. His past made him who he was and put him here so it was logical that it should continue to return to his mind whenever something related to it. Though sadly, that was a rather constant thing.

AS HE licked his lips, feeling the cold metal of the silver rings that made up his beloved snakebites, she began to laugh quietly. Looking at her revealed her hand across her lips, smothering some sort of private amusement. Her laughter didn't last long and her attention returned to what lay before them but it seemed her attention span was shortening as she got bored with that too and looked over at him. "What's your name?" She questioned him before looking down at her dangling feet. "Sorry, I should have introduced myself," he apologized, I'm Will, what's yours?" He asked in return.

tagged' Shadow
status' complete
word count' 526
ooc' sorry for the wait,
I had my prelim mid-year exams this week
so I have been studying instead of posting
lyrics' the new utah - rosaline

[SHADOW LIZ SNOVER]

She listened to the air around her, waiting for some kind of voice to run through her mind. Shadow could hear him wrap his headphones around his iPod then could feel the silence envelope them again. She couldn't stand the silence, not anymore, that's when they showed up. Everything came in silence, everyone, demons included. She wondered if he thought she was crazy, if he saw her speaking to something he probably couldn't see. She sighed, looking at the boy that now sat next to her, listening to what he now said. "I'm Will, what's yours?" She smiled and took a deep breath. Finally there was some type of sound in the air surround her, making her feel safe.

"I'm Shadow. Don't apologize, I never expect anyone to tell me their name." She thought about that for a moment, how she never really did, then again everyone just avoided her. "People don't normally talk to me anyway." She mumbled this part under her breath, sighing again and then looking back at the thick layer of gray, glad the sunlight was being strangled and out of view. The bright sunlight gave her a headache, it probably wasn't that smart to let her brother send her to North Carolina. Shadow smiled, wishing though that she had a longer attention span. She would be looking at one thing, then the other, then again she was somewhat glad of it. She didn't want the thoughts that ran through her head of suicide and the evil lyrics of the song's she listened too. Wow, she was not good for people to hanging out with.

Taking another deep breath, Shadow looked back at her sneakers, wondering why there was a red stain along with a black heart drawn in sharpie. How either of those got there, or when they got their, and thinking about it, she didn't want to know. "Have you ever been afraid of the things that go bump in the night?" She didn't know why she asked it, that's just what she said, something to stop the silence that ran through her head. It drove her crazy, especially when she started to see a few ghostly figures wondering down on the ground below her.

No, they weren't going to be there much longer, if she heard something, anything at all. Which was true as soon as she started to hum Not Afraid to herself. It was her favorite song, and normally it got rid of the creepy things in the dark. Why was she afraid though, just because the decided she was someone to pick one? That wasn't fair, leaving everyone else along, but her and her disordered and chaotic mind. It's like they wanted her to kill herself, would they be happy if she jumped from this roof, right now. She wondered it but shook it out of her mind, knowing that's just what she wanted. Well, she wouldn't fall under the spell of another demonic soul.

She was staying there, even if she ended up sitting on a roof with tears filling her eyes, which it did. Shadow didn't want attention, she just wanted to be left alone by whatever it was that seemed to cloud her mind. The attempted suicide, the drugs, everything, she wanted it to leave her alone. The thoughts of her uncaring parents, her broken family and her lonely life. Shae wanted to be normal, have friends and have a normal family. Like that was possible though, and the sting in her wrists and throat proved it. Maybe she was just being over dramatic, or she was just so tired that the crying wasn't real, just that she was tired. Blinking back the tears, took in a shaky breath and looked back at the ground, realizing whatever had been down there was now gone. Shadow smiled now, then sat back before she fell.

occ; That's okay, I had exams too.
Sorry this seems to be so melodramatic.
word count; 645

[WILLIAM MOORE]

but the calender says "let's celebrate" and the time is always right
So Let's Go, Let's Go, Let's Get On With This Tonight
I k n o w t h i s i s a f a i r y t a l e i n m y h e a d

THE GIRL looked over at him and smiled as he introduced himself, apologising for not thinking to introduce himself upon arrival as he did so. He didn't bother telling her his full first name, or last name. Here last names were irrelevant and his first name was rather self explanatory. Besides, only a few friends called him by his full name, and of course teachers who were angry at him. It wasn't that he wanted to cause trouble, not at all, it was just he got bored. or didn't feel like attending class that day. What did it matter if he missed a few classes here and there anyway? He wasn't failing and missing a few extra lines of information made no difference.

AFTER HIS own introduction hers was returned. Shadow. For a moment it struck him odd that a pale girl with blonde hair and eyes that seemed a mix of grey and light blue should be called Shadow but he didn't linger on the thought as she continued on, telling him not to apologise, "I never expect anyone to tell me their name." She stopped for a moment then mumbled under her breath. Should they have been down in the school building the line would have been inaudible but on the silent rooftop he was able to hear her comment. "Why would people not talk to you?" He asked, turning his eyes back to the view again as he spoke. He only half expected her to answer, there were too many reasons why she wouldn't. Maybe she didn't know the answer, maybe the answer was something private that she didn't want him to know, whatever. He placed his elbows on his thighs, leaning forward against them in his usual casual way.

SHADOW'S voice came again, almost absent-mindedly, "Have you ever been afraid of the things that go bump in the night?" He had. He'd been more than afraid, he'd been completely terrified. After his parents death it seemed to him as if every noise that came out of the darkness was the man who'd come for his parents, coming for him. But in the eight years that had passed he'd gotten over that. Maybe that was the fact that he was older now, maybe it was that he'd spent so many years here that he knew every noise or maybe simply the fact that he no longer slept. He'd been sure back then that the second he'd close his eyes whoever was there would come up to his bed, ready to attack him and he'd wake up with a dark shadow towering over the edge of his bed. "Of course, hasn't everyone?" He questioned in return.

BESIDE HIM Shadow leant forward, her eyes fixed on something far below them. She began to hum quietly to herself and leant a little further forward. Will watched her anxiously, ready to pull her back should she lean any further forward, she was already close to falling, or jumping, whichever it may be. Either way he wasn't about to let it happen. She seemed to have forgotten he was there beside her, instead every inch of her attention was entirely on the earth, several stories beneath them. "Shadow?" He needed her attention back before she leant too far forward. Could she even hear him? Her face was nearly hidden from his view by her hair which had fallen forward but her shaky intake of breath told him she was upset. A moment later she sat up again, a smile pulling gently at her lips.

tagged' Shadow
status' complete
word count' 589
ooc' ...
lyrics' the new utah - rosaline

[SHADOW LIZ SNOVER]

Hearing her name, Shadow's head snapped up. She looked over at Will and nodded, "Hm?" She blinked carefully, slowly, as if trying to remember what she was doing. Talking, that's what she was doing, talking to someone. Shadow had heard his answers, and his question. 'Why would people not talk to you?' That was a good question, and sometimes she could answer it, but others, she couldn't say so easily why nobody ever spoke to her. Sometimes she thought it was because they didn't want to get involved with her messed up family, or maybe it was because she was crazy and suicidal, and kids knew it.

Shadow sighed, preparing to answer his question when he said something else like 'hasn't everyone?'. He must have been talking about what she said about creepy night crawlers. She smiled and started to swing her legs again, sliding further back though so she wouldn't fall off the ledge. "Some people are strange, and they had no fears. And those are the people that have no idea what the scared go through." She took a deep breath, knowing this was what was true at least for her. "That's why some of us are sent here, at least that's why I'm here." She looked back down at the ground and sighed happily, seeing nothing but the normal.

Shadow knew her little scene with the tears wasn't what she needed, or what she wanted, but now that it was over, she felt better. Nothing was going to hurt her while someone was with her, especially someone who seemed as upset about something as her. She wouldn't ask though, why he was here, it seemed out of her place to ask. Shae turned her head and watched him for a moment, wondering what was going through his head. She could feel emotions of others strongly, and was sometimes effected by them, but she couldn't read minds and at most times, she wouldn't ask.

There was one thing she wanted to ask though, "Do you... believe in ghosts? Or demons?" There it was, the one thing she has never really asked anyone, other than her brother. Shae knew some people would think even worse of her for asking this, but she wanted to ask it, praying someone believe like her. If he didn't though, then so be it. She understood it was hard to believe in something you couldn't see, but she could see it, he probably doesn't see. Whatever it was that haunted her probably didn't haunt his mind, they probably weren't even noticed by others. She never knew though and asking was the one thing she wanted to do, just to find out.

Then she laughed, suddenly for nothing, for the thought that someone might be as crazy as her. Someone be tormented like her? No, it didn't seem possible, not now, not ever. She sobered though, and shook her head, ready to say something, but she didn't know what. It was strange for her to attempt to talk to someone. Shadow knew most people thought she was crazy, when in truth she was just scared beyond belief. Most nights she sat in her room shaking, waiting for the spirits to come and torment her for one more night. On nights when she did come, she would take it, let them scar her and harm her. Shae wouldn't fight. She needed someone though, and she knew it, but the question was would anyone care enough to help her, anyone that wasn't her worried brother.

occ; sorry it took so long to reply, comp. crashed for a bit
word count; 602

[WILLIAM MOORE]

but the calender says "let's celebrate" and the time is always right
So Let's Go, Let's Go, Let's Get On With This Tonight
I k n o w t h i s i s a f a i r y t a l e i n m y h e a d

SHE SWUNG her legs aimlessly over the edge of the building, smiling when his question pointed out that everybody was scared at some point; as if she had some sort of knowledge he didn't. She began answering his question, talking about people who didn't feel the fear the rest of the worlds population seemed to feel. Telling him they were the people who didn't understand. He doubted there were people like that really. Whoever she was thinking of was probably just good at shoving it to the back of their mind and faking courage, or had never experienced anything scarier than a game of hide-and-seek. The only exception he could think of were the psychopaths of the world, who never really felt anything. As she completed what she was saying he slowly lost a grip on what she was talking about. "that's why I'm here" meaning what? Because she wasn't scared or because she was? Seeing she had already let go of the thought he let it slip away as well, feeling no real need to drag it on. Instead her attention had turned down towards the solid earth far below them once again.

HE LET his attention slip for a moment, staring out at the school grounds spread out below them. It upset him that this place was so damned familiar. He should never have had to be here, let alone long enough to become a part of the brick work. Five years was much too long, and it wasn't even his fault. Raising a hand he pulled a few strands of black hair back into place absent-mindedly. "Do you... believe in ghosts? Or demons?" He stopped messing with his hair and slowly turned his head to look at her, before remembering to drop his hand. It certainly wasn't the strangest question he'd ever been asked, but it caught him a little off step. Ghosts? Demons? She was looking back at him as he thought about it for a second. It wasn't exactly something he had a ready opinion on.

"I'm not sure. I guess I don't really believe in ghosts haunting people and all that. You know, the camp fire story stuff. But yeah, if you're talking about ghosts like the spirits of people watching over the people they've left behind, it's possible..." He remembered waking up some nights after the murder and seeing his mother or father in his bedroom, watching over him. As if letting him know they were still there and they still loved him or something like that. They didn't come any more so he guessed that he'd grown out of the imagination thing with age, or if spirits did exist, that they had decided he could handle life on his own now. And he could. After his seconds pause he sighed slightly before continuing, "Demons, no, only the ones in peoples heads." and he didn't mean the supernatural type. He shrugged, "But then again, what do I know?" He wouldn't say they didn't exist, he had no proof or reason to believe they didn't.

AGAIN SHE began to laugh into the open air, at some thought within her head; or maybe at some part of what he had said. Did it really matter which? But once again she calmed herself quickly, shaking her head as she managed to subdue her sudden laughter then parted her lips, but said nothing. He wanted to know what was going on in her head. Not to judge her or anything of the sort, but to try and understand her and her offbeat questions. In reality it made no real difference if he knew or not, it would not change his treatment of her, he was not that sort of person. And it wasn't going to change the way he answered her questions anyway. No matter how random they may seem he was always going to offer what he could and in all honesty. After all, what would he gain from lying to her?

BESIDES HE only ever wanted to help people, try and make something better for them, even for five minutes, even if all it took was listening to what they had to say. So often what the students here had to say went unheard when all they needed was to vent, to have someone listen and give a fxck for once. Lying to people and ignoring their questions had never helped anyone and he wasn't about to do it to Shadow.

tagged' Shadow
status' complete
word count' 742
ooc' is k we all have issues posting sometimes =]
lyrics' the new utah - rosaline