{{sing us a song....{{open ?!

[zaley maria bradley]

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C A U S E T H E G I R L I N M Y M I R R O R

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there was something terribly depressing about an empty theatre. they were by definition buildings built to house people, be it for laughter, comedy, tragedy...no matter the presentation, it was to show off the prowess of someone, be it in music, dance, acting, whatever. so for such a big, echoey building to be empty...zaley couldn't help but feel sad. but then again, that was a lot of days. she'd managed to snag some meds for mild depression from the hospital wing, but she still stolidly refused any anti-psychotics. that was still murder to her, no matter how horrible her sister was to her. after all, she technically didn't come here only for treatment; though her record said 'group b', she could have just as easily been entered as part of the homeless group, seeing as her mother no longer cared to deal with her and her father was, well, next to nothing in her life, only a shadowy figure her mother had talked about with disdain and sadness before changing the subject. so really, no one could force her to medicate herself. all they could do was point out kindly in the bi-weekly therapy sessions that it was the best for all sides. pssh, sure, if they were fine with ripping half of her away, fine. she wasn't, though!

tthe girl couldn't help but heave a sigh; just once, she wanted things to work out! it wasn't fair! she wanted a normal life, with a mom and dad who loved her and each other. she wanted her head to herself! but of course, life was not fair in the least. she couldn't have that. she was stuck in a strange rehabilitation center, without anyone to give a flying fuck she was even around. it was the loneliest she'd ever been in her entire life. when anna had first shown up, she'd been so nice and fun...now she only hurt zaley at every turn. but the funny thing? zaley couldn't get rid of her, couldn't bring herself to do it. first off, every time she even thought seriously about it, anna knew how to turn on the charm like she always did, doing and saying just the right things to get zaley to keep her around. and even more than that, on an emotional level she couldn't bring herself to mention to her new strange therapist? well, zaley was scared. anna had become more than just a mental parasite; she was all zaley knew anymore. there was no way she could mend things with her mother; things had been said that could never be taken back. anna was the only thing that stayed the same when everything else changed. and as sick and masochistic as it might have seemed, zaley wanted to keep her for that reason. she didn't know anything about her new situation in life; if she got rid of anna, she'd be truly and utterly alone.

the girl was currently hunched in one of the soft-backed folding theatre chairs in the audience, her small frame curled up in the front row, arms wrapped around knees tucked under chin to stare with huge glazed-over blue eyes at the empty stage. it was dark, and oh so very quiet; if she'd dare to make a sound, it would have echoed off into nothingness for minutes on end. after gnawing at her lip and feeling rather dismal about the whole situation for a bit, zaley sighed once more and stretched out like a cat, yawning with arms above her head. idly, the girl's hand slipped inside the bag at her side, digging around for her iPod. once the sleek electronic device was secure in her hand, zaley began to unwind the headphones as she hopped onto the stage. as a child she'd taken ballet classes; she'd abandoned them with the appearance of anna at fifteen, as a direct result of her self-esteem being sapped by the voice in her head, retreating to the more soft-spoken mediums of paint and chalk then, but seven and a half years of dance was long enough to hold onto some things. taking her iPod off shuffle and putting it instead on 'eclipse' by pink floyd, the girl closed her wide blue eyes, took a deep breath, pushed off one foot, and let go.

it wasn't exactly all ballet; it was whatever move she felt to throw in, completely blocking out everything. it had been a while since she'd been able to do this, really let go; even now, it was true, anna was still a lurking presence, but she was being blessedly quiet and leaving her sister/host/victim/whatever in relative peace, for which zaley was weak-in-the-knees grateful. she even dared to sing softly under her breath; zaley had never thought she was a good singer, and didn't dare do it around anyone, but her voice was a soft, rather melancholy alto-soprano that alloted for being able to sing a lot of songs, and not too badly either. she just wouldn't ever let anyone hear her.

words; 846 ?!
outfit; clickie ?!
tag; open to a male ?!
muse; pretty cooperative ?!
chat; not my best work at all ?!
credit; lyrics--brittany spears, all else--me ?!

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[WILLIAM MOORE]

And now I realize how much you mean to me
What I came up with is
w i t h o u t y o u t h e r e ’ s n o m e a n i n g

THE DOOR swung open with the aid of a single hand, flooding the walkway with light for a second before slowly easing itself closed again. The boy who entered paused for a moment to let his eyes adjust to the sudden change of light. In the five years he'd been stuck in this hole of a school the theatre hadn't changed at all, with the exception of a few lighting effects that no longer worked and nobody could be bothered fixing. It made the days seem all the more repedative and the school all the more cage-like when nothing changed, only the arrival of a new student every few weeks. So many of the students here looked at the school as a haven, a place where they could finally let go of the past, move on and heal. A home. For Will, it only bought on the constant thoughts that he shouldn't have to be here. It was a constant never ending reminder that his parents were gone. He allowed that fact to sit in the back of his mind, but never let it get him down, what good would that do him? He'd let it do that before and it had nearly killed him. He would never go back there. Never.

WILLIAM began to make his way down the sloped walkway, folded chairs spreading to the left and right of him in neat rows. It really put in perspective how many kids were stuffed into the schools dormitories and hospital wing knowing the entire school fitted in this one room. He continued on his path, not noticing the dancing figure for a few seconds more. He stopped and casually lent on a chair beside him, watching her move. Something in her face and body let on the freedom the movements and music gave her. The girl was singing to herself, or atleast it would have been to herself had he not been standing there. The words that left her lips floated through the room, the slight echo adding a haunting tone to it. He supposed to her she was singing under her breath, but with the combination of the headphones and the fact that the theatre was designed to amplify the stage sounds meant he could hear her with reasonable ease. It was an odd sensation, like he had entered on someones private world.

AUTOMATICALLY he flicked his head, shifting the long black strands from his eyes, a habit that frustrated many people yet he still refused to cut it. He pushed off from the chair with his hip and continued down the walkway, moving yet closer to the stage. He didn't want to interrupt her, he didn't want to take away the blanket of peace and freedom that seemed to have wrapped itself tightly around her as she got lost in the music filling her head. He loved watching the way music took people away, how it whispered secrets to them. He didn't recognise the girl on the stage but his black lined eyes followed her silently as she moved gracefully to the music that carried her. He knew he should leave, he felt like an intruder, but her freedom was captivating, it wasn't often you saw some one like that around here, there were too many horror stories and broken minds to allow that.

tagged' Zaley
status' complete
word count' 555
ooc' Sucks and is short, sorry, haven't written a post in months!
lyrics' can i keep you - november blessing

[zaley maria bradley]

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C A U S E T H E G I R L I N M Y M I R R O R

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A N D T H E R E S N O T H I N G I C A N T E L L H ER[/size]
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the melody, which was indeed a haunting one, was the true highlight of this song; but more than that, the meaning of the words was what struck zaley. you see, dear reader (time for classic rock info time with asho, pull up a chair), the album this song was off of, dark side of the moon, is a concept album. it started with a heartbeat and followed through the proverbial journey through life, ending with the heartbeat's abrupt stop symbolizing death (obviously). eclipse's message for the masterpiece by pink floyd was this: everything in life is connected; one little thing can change everything in a blink. who was this more true for than zaley, or really, anyone at saint helena's? her entire existence had been turned on its head by that first moment anna reared her ugly head, and since that day every fiber of her being and every area of her life had been affected. sure, the tone eclipse took to portray the message was by no means a cheerfyl one for the occasion, but it was the music that she currently allowed to sweep her away from the here and now.

as that song faded off and the next started (it was on shuffle under the artist pink floyd), zaley was caught in the middle of a pirouette. delicate blue eyes opened slowly, hooded under intoxication, seemingly to look out at the empty theatre and imagine it full of people to cheer for and appreciate her; what she saw was far from. some boy she didn't know (duh, she didn't know anyone here) staring at her with the faintest hints of a smile quirking at the corners of his lips..."wonder how long he's been there laughing at you?" she was enjoying that thought, that much was evident by her smug tone, barely concealing a dark chuckle. the music had only temporarily lulled her, like a beast soothed for the time being, and now that the spell was broken by the other's presence, the "girl" was ready to pounce on her host/sister/whatever.

zaley's smile was a ghost of a memory by now, replaced instead by a truly spectacular blush covering her normally pale cheeks. panting softly, she caught her earbuds in her hand, ripping them out as she brought her arm down from the pirouette, descending from the spin quickly and rather gracefully considering how embarrassed she was. "oh-oh, sorry...do you need the stage for something? i didn't know, i'm sorry, don't mind me,"[/b] she rambled in stammers, hastily dismounting from the stage and grabbing her jacket and bag up from the seat, clutching them tight to her chest. the poor girl started to back away but was stopped by the backs of her knees running into the front row of seats. great. way to look like an idiot two seconds into your first encounter on campus, zale, she berated herself. she hadn't known anyone would be here, obviously! if she had, she wouldn't have shown up. she would have just...probably hung around her dorm. living with anna for these two years had all but taken the fun out of meeting new people; it was the combined effects of very low self esteem and a voice in your head telling you the worst possible, most detrimental way to interpret a statement that could do that to you.[/font]

words; idk ?!
outfit; clickie ?!
tag; will (and dylan?) ?!
muse; bleck ?!
chat; this post was crap, sowwy. how do you go MONTHS without writing?! its my life ?!
credit; lyrics--brittany spears, all else--me ?!

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[WILLIAM MOORE]

And now I realize how much you mean to me
What I came up with is
w i t h o u t y o u t h e r e ’ s n o m e a n i n g

SHE MADE each movement look easy, like her body was light and floating, not laiden with the heavy memories and troubles that rode on the shoulders of everyone here. It was good then you could thrust the monsters aside and just live. Will tried to do that everyday, he didn't always succeed, but he was doing better then alot of the students here. He wouldn't let life kill him. He also tried his best to lift up others, to make them smile, help them free themselves. Too many people were ready to give up. Now any christian could stand before them and tell them they were just being tested, but he would probably look at them like they were an idiot then walk away. He didn't believe there was a god, and if there was, well he/she was a very sadistic one to make people suffer like this, to make people die in the ways they do and force the living to remember. This was no test.

HER VOICE faded away like its echos as the song came to an end, her body mid-spin. He knew there was some technical word for it but he'd be damned if he knew any ballet terms. That would actually creep him out quite a bit. Her eyes flickered open and the second she saw him it was written across her face. He stayed where he was as she halted, tugging the earbuds from her ears as she did so. Her embarrassment was clear, announced in neon lights by the colour of her cheeks and the stammering that followed. A smile tugged at his lips as she tried desparately to gain control of her embarrassment, evacuating the stage as fast as possible to collect her belongings laying abandoned on one of the many folding chairs. "It's fine, I was just sort of wandering around." He said, his casual easy tone seemed to fill the empty room. Clutching the bag like a lifeboat she was backing away from him, only to be discouraged as the backs of her knees connected with a chair. "Your gracefulness is reserved for the stage huh?" he asked, smiling lightly at her, he wasn't making fun of her, "You ok?"

HE DIDN'T recognize the beautiful girl standing infront of him, seeming so unsure of herself, and him. At ease he bit gently at one of the rings that encircled his lip as part of his snake bites, a peircing accompanied by a monroe peircing and two stretch lobes. He'd had them for years and refused to take them out, much to the frustration of many of the doctors when he'd been admitted to hospital. He knew jewellery was not allowed for patients but he loved his peircings, there was no way he as going to lose them. He returned his thoughts to the girl infront of him. Without her music this girl looked more like them now. Still beautiful but that mesmorizing freedom she'd had previously was gone. "Im Will by the way" He offered.

tagged' Zaley
status' complete
word count' 504
ooc' I only rp on the helenas sites, I never seem to fit in on any others haha
lyrics' can i keep you - november blessing

[zaley maria bradley]

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C A U S E T H E G I R L I N M Y M I R R O R

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i s c r y i n g t o n i g h t[/size]
A N D T H E R E S N O T H I N G I C A N T E L L H ER[/size]
t o m a k e h e r f e e l a l l r i g h t
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you know how in comic books or superhero movies how there's always that one person, be it villain or hero, who can use their voice as a weapon? super-sonic chick or screamo dude or something of that sort? if st. helena's was a comic book, anna would have had that power claimed, snagged, and mastered with zaley's first two steps onto the campus. but then again, what could you expect from something (someone?) who was nothing BUT a voice in someone else's head? it was her only weapon, of course she'd have it down to a 't' for torturing her host. for our deal protagonist zaley, this was obviously more than unfortunate; even all the lasting psychological damage aside (you know, the stuff like zero self esteem that would affect her even if anna disappeared and never came back), one found out rather quickly that it was difficult to think straight with an extra voice in the head, the mind is only made for one. anna, residing inside the mind of her victim, thus knew the best way to conduct herself; probably the only reason zaley hadn't killed herself or gotten rid of anna thus far was because the disorder's manifestation knew exactly what to say and when to reel zaley back in, to keep her around. it was a sick game for the disorder, toying with its victim, like a cat playing with a mortally wounded mouse rather than just letting it die in quiet peace. anna would pout when her "sister" blocked her out with music, turning to the behavior of a petulant child and either sulking in the "corner" of her mind or throwing a tantrum of sorts, screaming and generally making her presence known. but maybe even worse than filling zaley's mind with angry "vibes" was when anna was feeling her most malevolent, like now. she'd survey the conversation then throw in a snide comment or offhand observation, that would sit and stew; like a festering infection in an already sore wound, anna would pick at it every once and a while, and zaley's saddened psyche would do the rest, turning the statement over and over in her mind until it ate her up and she could only accept it as the desolate truth. anna's ability to be a puppeteer for her host was what made zaley feel the most helpless, what happened to the times when zaley had thought she was still in control?

the boy's tone was light, easy, having the remnants of something zaley could only be jealous of. oh, to sound so...so....light, even with the world on your shoulders (as of course, this boy probably had, the same as her; no one at st. helena's had a happy story)! but alas, as it turned out, this boy could be a welcome diversion from the auburn-haired youth's thoughtful, yet depressing brooding. some small reserve of hope in the pit of her stomach tugged at her, stirred awake by his tone and not-unkind smile. it pushed her forward (conversationally, not literally), nudging past an irate anna to encourage her to relax for once. his words caused an odd reaction; half of her wanted to blush more (and did), but the somewhat sane, pardon whatever irony that word might have had, part of her told her it was not an attack. wide gray-blue eyes turned downwards, complete with some feet shuffling, awkward tucking-of-hair behind an ear, and nibbling of the lip, as was the girl's habit, before she would answer. "um, yeah, haha,"[/b] "wow, you're brilliant, zale. totally eloquent speech. jesus, must you be a fucking idiot ALL the time?" the girl flinched inwardly, but had somehow become able to hide any signs of attacks from her sister from the outside. well, except for the obvious good day-bad day conundrum and the lack of confidence and the more-than-slight paranoia...

zaley couldn't lie to herself (and opted not to, as always--what would the point be? if she couldn't be honest with herself then that was just helping anna that much more!), she was surprised he cared if she was okay. thanks a lot anna, jeez! he had shown no signs of being anything but pleasantly miffed at her odd behavior, and not the slightest bit rude, yet ever since her disorder had developed, she was given to thinking the worst of a situation from the start. "um, yeah, i'm fine...i'm an-ah, i mean, i'm zaley,"[/b] she caught herself, a look of pure frustration at herself, coupled with horror and embarrassment, flashing over her features for a split second, but it was gone just as quickly as she tried to mask it behind a tight-lipped smile that didn't reach her always expressive eyes. they always said the eyes were the windows to the soul...besides, it was dark in here, maybe he wouldn't notice..."hah, well, i'm FLATTERED, sissie!"[/i] anna practically purred, but just as this was some deeply symbolic victory for her, it horrified her sister/host. zaley felt any happiness (a small, fragile modicum from the start) from the boy (matt) and his seemingly caring nature burst in her chest. a little incident in the grand scheme of things, something matt probably (hopefully) wouldn't have even noticed, but to zaley it was her worst fear, manifesting itself in one of those ways that if this were a book, the english teacher would have you write a paper on. in the beginning, anna had been pleasant, a calm spectator in the mind of her companion/"sister", but gradually, zaley had seen herself losing her grasp on the situation. it terrified her, yes, and it was little moments like this that scared her the most. was she still herself, or had anna successfully taken over when she'd killed all of the old zaley, by ruining her past life, wrecking her self esteem, claiming dominance over all her emotions...? who was running this show here? it was a question that left zaley lying awake or wracked with nightmares.[/font]

words; 1030 ?!
outfit; clickie ?!
tag; will (and dylan?) ?!
muse; really good ?!
chat; wow, yay for good muse ?!
credit; lyrics--brittany spears, all else--me ?!

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[WILLIAM MOORE]

And now I realize how much you mean to me
What I came up with is
w i t h o u t y o u t h e r e ’ s n o m e a n i n g

A FRESH red flush flooded through her cheeks as he spoke before she lowered her eyes to the ground, breaking her weary gaze. Such amazing eyes they were, or so he thought anyway. The girl shuffled in place slightly, discomfort pretty much stamped across her forehead. He didn't think he was the kind of person to make people uncomfortable, but then again he had to remember where he was, had to remember that this was a building built to house horror stories and broken people. How many people actually made it out of here healed? How many were sent on their way to fight the outside world with their shattered minds? And how many, never made it out alive? In a school like this, not everyone made it, that was impossible really. Some were just too messed up to be saved, but atleast here there was usually atleast one person who still believed in you. Did this unsteady girl who stood before him with her teeth to her lip believe in herself? Or was she ready to give up?

AND HOW did the doctors and teachers try to fix all the broken teenagers that were thrown at them? Simple, medicate them to a state of nothingness. Shove pills down their throats til they were no longer themselves. Will had been medicated when he'd first arrived but now, he was just left to fend away the images himself. They'd given him anti-depressants that had made him feel like he was someone else, but worse they'd given him sleeping pills which they promised would make him sleep, and they did. But that was worse then not sleeping at all. With those pills he'd been haunted by nightmares, trapped because the pills wouldn't let him wake up and escape. They didn't understand what it was to be trapped in a mind like his, to be thrown into vivid dreams of death. Now he simply refused to take anything they gave him, not willing to test their effects. He was better at living without them anyway, he had managed to build himself into semi-normal human, without their help.

"UM, YEAH, haha," It seemed almost a struggle to push the words out, and didn't appear to make her relax anymore than before. But despite that his questioning and self introduction managed to draw more unsure words from her lips, though not smoothly as she stumbled through her own name. Zaley, he hadn't heard it before, he loved names like that and it seemed to suit her. As she completed her sentence expressions flashed across her face, embarrassed and frustrated at her own mistake, but beyond that, fear seemed to flash through. Quickly she corrected her own expression like her words, an uncomfortable smile plastered across her lips as a cover. "Zaley... I like it." He commented, smiling at her.

DRIFTING from his position in the walkway he swung easily into one of the folding chairs and settled his black converse on the back of the chair infront, casual and comfortable in his own skin. "You're new here right?" He questioned, having still not recognozied her face, and now name. He ran a hand through the back of his hair and flicked his head again, settling it all back into place before turning his black lined eyes back to Zaley. Habits, habits.

tagged' Zaley
status' complete
word count' 553
ooc' muse = fail??
lyrics' can i keep you - november blessing

[zaley maria bradley]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
C A U S E T H E G I R L I N M Y M I R R O R

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A N D T H E R E S N O T H I N G I C A N T E L L H ER[/size]
t o m a k e h e r f e e l a l l r i g h t
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this boy was so laid-back and at ease with himself, her, and the entire situation; rather than reassuring zaley, however, this only increased her general sense of nerves. that could also be because he seemed to be scrutinizing her from under his hair from time to time. zaley was used to psychiatrists doing that, but not a boy her own age, and not in this pleasant, subtle way. he wasn't staring, he wasn't laughing, he was being downright nice, and calm, and sociable, yet that just made her that much more on edge. maybe it was from being used to only conflict; as of late there seemed to be no calm in her life, not with anna around anyway. and yet, this dear boy william exuded confidence, he radiated assurity and calm. it would be nice, if she could only relax for two seconds to enjoy it. pssh, as if. that would require anna being gone, and duh, if it were that easy to get rid of her zaley would have not a care in the world and would be back home, singing or painting or having mother-daughter time or something. but alas, that was not the case, and zaley knew it probably never would be; she tried to get herself to calm down enough. after all, this boy was offering her a calm, secure enough environment, she knew she'd do best to accept it while she could, before this bubble burst and she was forced back to the present-day. hmph, not like this was that far from the tumultous normalcy of it all, yeah, but still, when you were in a position like zaley's (or any kid here really), you took what you could get. she supposed she should acknowledge his compliment; up until anna had taken liking anything away from her, she'd liked it too. "oh, um, thanks, hah," she murmered with a small, slightly genuine smile; his smile was like a proverbial shoulder rub to her tensions, she was finding. she liked it. it was nice. until anna decided to throw an unpleasant memory her way, a recently new (and thus, raw) one, to put a wrench in the gears.

recently, zaley's mother, in one of her rare, fading moments of maternal instinct, had sat down her daughter and tenderly tucked some hair from the girl's face. she'd told zaley that her father, who apparently had been living in oregon, had died. she'd also told zaley how he'd died. zaley's father, she now knew, was severely schizophrenic. after losing zaley's mother, and also his unborn daughter (not that he knew that at the time), he'd sank into a violent cycle of drugs and alcohol, and had ended up homeless. he'd killed himself. suicide. because he could not take the voices anymore. this was yet another blow to zaley, not to mention it was followed up in the next few weeks with being all but disowned and sent to saint helena's. her father hadn't been able to stand his life, to fight anymore. was that what she was doomed for, homelessness, desolation, addiction? it was hard to say which thought terrified her more, a life without anna (and thus without anything), or a life with anna, forever and ever, until she gave in. but at the same time, zaley was still clinging to that spark of dominance; it was a weak spark, but she still wasn't going to give up yet. if anything, she was determined NOT to be like her father, growing out of control until everyone he loved moved away from him...."isn't that what's already happened?"[/color] the apparent answer was evident in her sister's tone.

the entire struggle just made her so tired some days, she felt like she could sink into the earth and never come back up. it was too hard to keep fighting sometimes; it was times like this she thought about medication. but no matter how easy it might have seemed to just take a pill to make everything all right, zaley was afraid, if for no reason other than that she was scared to see what she would be without anna. no matter how absolutely detrimental the voice was, no matter how much it hurt, zaley had pretty much lost everything else in her world other than her sister; she hated anna and yet she didn't want to lose that last grip on something familiar. new town, new faces, no family, a blank slate. that might have sounded promising to some, but to zaley, for whom change only brought problems, this fairly terrified her. she was in a new place with all kinds of people with all kinds of problems; who would take her, even if she was "normal", something she knew she could never achieve and probably didn't deserve? but no, she couldn't let herself give up just yet. right?


so you're new here, right? the words jolted zaley back to the presence, drawing her back from her torturous tennis volleys back and forth with herself and anna. a hand went to her hair to twirl a loose auburn strand around her finger, nibbling her lip softly. he was so aloof and at ease, attractive and seemingly light at heart; she looked like an awkward turkey in comparision. "yeah, i just got here, um, yesterday actually. haven't left the dorm except today, you know, to, uh, come here,"[/b] she made a nervous chuckling noise, more at herself than her words, glancing down and staring at her wringing hands in her lap. must she be so awkward and miserable all the time? oh yeah, that was right. yes, yes she must. the whole situation stung something awful; zale even felt the sting of a tear or two prick at the corners of her long lashed eyes before she blinked them away. not like will could see them anyway, around her hair. this exhange with will made her tired too. trying to hold back her desire to scream and cry and throw herself off of a tall surface was exhausting.[/font]

words; 1029 ?!
outfit; clickie ?!
tag; will (and dylan?) ?!
muse; pretty good, poor zale D: ?!
chat; you kidding? that post was great ?!
credit; lyrics--brittany spears, all else--me ?!

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[WILLIAM MOORE]

And now I realize how much you mean to me
What I came up with is
w i t h o u t y o u t h e r e ’ s n o m e a n i n g

"OH, UM, thanks, hah," Finally a smile managed to reach the beautiful girls lips, a small one but a smile all the same. He looked at her for a second, wondering how hard it would be to make her laugh, to make her happy. Will was hopeless like that, always wanting to make people smile. But hey, someone in the school had to be like that, why not him. Music and making people happy, two things he loved. It may seem odd but there was some reasoning behind it, maybe not logical reasoning but that was beside the point. Losing his parents had shown him you could lose it all in a second, it had made him suffer and he wanted to take that suffering from everyone else and he also wanted to provide them some freedom from their pasts and problems, show them their cages were self-made - well most of them. Ok so maybe he was a little odd, but atleast his intentions were good right? What was that bullshit people always referred to? Its the thought that counts? Whatever.

SHE SEEMED to get lost within herself for a second, zoning out. His questioning bought her back, and managed to draw a longer sentence from her - one that was long enough to cause her to provide information without having it drawn from her by questions. So she'd arrived yesterday? That would explain his not recognizing her. He felt for her, being new here was the worst. It seemed that for most students, including him, it took awhile to come to terms with being sent her. For so many of them it was the ultimate rejection. For him, it just made him feel like he was too much trouble and just got in everyones way. He didn't ask why she had come, nobody really talked about that here, they all wanted to be normal and ignoring the fact that they were all messed up in some way or another was the easiest way to acheive that, the closest they would ever be. Everything was hard to accept here. The fact that they would never be normal, they were unwanted, they were just trouble for everyone else, the fact that the memories that haunted them would never go away. And maybe, for Will, that last one was the worst.

HE HAD NO encouraging words of advice to offer, you had to find your own way to make a life here. Instead he followed her gaze and watched as she wrung her hands, tighter and tighter. It was the perfect display of how uncomfortable she was in this situation. "You keep doing that and you'll break your fingers..." He said pointedly, nodding towards her hands even though her head was down.

tagged' Zaley
status' complete
word count' 459
ooc' Sorry the last paragraph is short, ran out of stuff to babble about XD
lyrics' can i keep you - november blessing

[zaley maria bradley]

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C A U S E T H E G I R L I N M Y M I R R O R

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A N D T H E R E S N O T H I N G I C A N T E L L H ER[/size]
t o m a k e h e r f e e l a l l r i g h t
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something about this boy william spoke of trust, respite from all the day-to-day worries she'd been burdened with, a weight that was only growing with every passing day. it wasn't loud, it wasn't demanding, like the threat of pills that would make her calm. it was softer, gentler, like a friendly hand on her shoulder. somewhere, under anna's rule in her mind, there was a broken little girl who wanted to reach out to him. she wanted to throw her arms around his neck and hold onto him, clinging so he would keep the bad people, the bad voices, away. she wanted to tell him everything, everything she'd never dared to say out loud, mostly because no one, not her mother or the doctors, really cared to hear it. but, then, of course, there was anna. that horrible siren screeching in her ear, whispering torturous words into her "sister"'s thoughts, plaguing her with words that leeched all self-confidence from the girl. in that moment, zaley wanted absolutely nothing more in the world than to fall to her knees and let this one complete stranger know her, so that at least someone would. maybe then, if one of these dark sleepless nights she opened a vein, somebody would understand why, someone would maybe look back on her time on earth and understand her, if only a little bit. surely then they could speak for her, justifying her, validating her in a way she no longer was able to or felt deserved to herself? but instead, she didn't. she just took his words with an awkward laugh, glancing up at him before back down, scared of how his eyes could pierce right through to her soul. she wanted that, but she didn't know if she could take it. surely her soul was such a black, dirty, filthy place, stained with depression and isolation and abandonment, it could only be an unattractive place, she knew.

so instead, she just fidgeted with one of her shoes, something comfortable and warm, which was all she really bothered for most days, she'd only be looking like a fool, trying to fool herself if she went for beauty. ha, she barely knew the word anymore, and even then it was only in magazines, the faces of passerby, a sunrise when she was graced with the colors she wasn't worthy of. all she wanted in that instant was to throw herself into the arms of this stranger, lay her burdens on him for a moment. it was a compelling thought; her lips almost opened to spill forth the truths to set her free. maybe he'd sense her weakening, but then again, he probably wouldn't. she was so weak already.

zaley had, in her time at home, found vices to stave off her sister, and the madness that she felt could only be brought about by the fearful apparition. one had been music, of course. music was the worldwide vice for all those in pain, it had been said it soothed a savage beast. another, less savory but dually satisfactory, vice had been the heat of another human being. she'd never let another person near her heart since anna had surfaced--the one person she needed most, her mother, shunning her, had ruined almost all hope for rescue--but she'd let a fair few closer to her corporeal body. she was still a virgin in all terms of voluntary acts, but back home she'd been known as the miserable girl that lent her body for happiness. heated "games" that got the blood pumping, the hormones and adrenaline flowing, they made her feel beautiful, if only for a split second, and they drowned out the voice. she'd become good at the games, knowing just what to say, how to move or act or what to do...it had gotten her labeled a tease, and twice in her lifetime she'd been raped, but really, that pain was just more to stifle, nothing she couldn't handle. after all, could she have felt any lower about herself? no, not really. zaley supposed that there was a very distinct possibility that she could just travel down that path, drown her pain out in an oblivion of groping hands and writhing bodies, but no....she somehow, by some freak stretch of hope, had clung to her sanity, her small modicum of happiness and hope, and in that flash, her purity, as much as someone so ravaged by misery could have.

the girl found these thoughts to only make her current mood worse, not by depressing her but more like confusing her, so she pushed them away, wishing quite fervently that she could have her iPod back in her ears to sooth this wound in her chest that was throbbing away, but since she knew she couldn't (she still wasn't rude enough she'd do that) so she settled for harnessing the vixen she'd relied on for forgetting, turning that alter-ego she'd hid behind into something less volatile. she used that part of her's charming personality, pitiful as it seemed to her, and forced herself to turn her lovely pale face up to the boy. long-lashed, impossibly blue eyes blinked balefully if not sweetly at him. "but i'm not being friendly, am i?"[/b] cue almost convincing chuckle at her absentmindedness, wave a hand about as if dispelling the girl she really was, the one she could only hide but never get rid of, the miserable one. it was an act she could almost work, if she really focused on it and cared to, which was very rare. but for this boy who'd shown her kindness, she supposed she could try. he'd probably much more like the fake, smiling zaley to the real, broken one. she knew she herself did. and though she denied it this pleasure, the small hopeful voice in the back of her mind liked to imagine that this friendliness meant he might just like her, befriend her, and she really could use him to guide her out of this dark hole. but of course, anna reminded her quickly, she didn't deserve that. it was hard to keep the weak smile in place, but she managed under her sister berating her. "i can be so crazy--[/b] her voice broke a bit, but she kept up the voice she imagined a popular, smiley, happy girl would use "--um, spacey sometimes,"[/b] she chuckled softly, trying to ignore when anna predictably jumped on the c-word, crazy, and threw it back at her a zillion different ways i won't even scar your poor eyes by repeating. it is enough to say, though, that zaley would later look back on this and be proud of her ability to hold up to her sister and not explode into tears, the words hit such sore spots.[/font]

words; didn't look ?!
outfit; clickie ?!
tag; will (and dylan?) ?!
muse; pretty good, charlie the muse has missed zaley ?!
chat; no amount of apologizing makes my disappearance okay D: ?!
credit; lyrics--brittany spears, all else--me ?!

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[WILLIAM MOORE]

And now I realize how much you mean to me
What I came up with is
w i t h o u t y o u t h e r e ’ s n o m e a n i n g

SHE STILL seemed so uncomfortable, whether that was a constant state as it was for so many students here or simply a result of his presence, or interruption, he was unsure but every inch of her awkward state showed through in her light laugh in reply to his comment. Her eyes raised for a second to look at him before she shifted her hands to her shoes, slipping into her own little world of thought as she did so. He watched her quietly wondering what it would take to make her feel safe enough to relax, maybe even smile.

THE SILENCE had seeped in towards them from the corners of the room with no voices to chase it away, but now, without any prompting on his behalf, she broke through it, pulling herself out of her own world. "but i'm not being friendly, am i?" She was looking directly at him now with those beautiful eyes. Did she realise how stunning she was? He doubted she'd believe it. He watched as she waved a hand and gave a little laugh, abandoning the blanket of awkwardness she'd been buried in moments ago, instead replaced with a smile that didn't really touch her eyes. The change in her was instant and dramatic and it took him back for a second. "i can be so crazy-- um spacey sometimes." She said, catching herself for the second time in their conversation.

WHAT HAD just happened? Was it some sort of multiple personality? Was she simply lying? or had she managed to convince herself this situation wasn't so bad after all? Maybe she was so close to breaking down that she thought faking it all would push it away and hold her strong. He didn't know her well enough to be able to figure it out so he just accepted it, after all, what else could he do? "I thought you were doing fine" he replied. It was the honest truth, she had been friendly, just unsteady but that was ok. Everyone was in their own way here. That's sort of why they had been placed here instead of in a normal orphanage or foster home. They each had problems that labelled them in a way that said they didn't fit into society.

tagged' Zaley
status' complete
word count' 376
ooc' Its fine, we all disappear sometimes. =]
sorry its short, muse is on the low down. Hopefully you can get a reply?
lyrics' can i keep you - november blessing

[zaley maria bradley]

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C A U S E T H E G I R L I N M Y M I R R O R

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A N D T H E R E S N O T H I N G I C A N T E L L H ER[/size]
t o m a k e h e r f e e l a l l r i g h t
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Under the guise of the friendliness of her vixen alter-ego without the detrimental habits attached (it seemed to be the safest way to go, and she’d maintain it more if it didn’t drain her so terribly), Zaley could almost act like this was easy. A normal conversation with someone new, someone who wasn’t judging her constantly, laughing at her inadequacies mentally…And yes, it was true that he didn’t seem to be visibly enjoying her pain, and indeed she seemed to feel some sort of empathy for her radiating out to her, but that didn’t mean anything reassuring to Zaley. She’d learned, or been told by an unreliable yet quite certain source that everybody was laughing at her. Always. And who was she to question someone like Anna, who clearly had a better grasp on the situation than she herself did? The answer was, she wasn’t anyone important enough to question her sister. Oh, to give in, how delightfully easy that would be, she lamented for the umpteenth time.

The outgoing stranger that she was portraying herself was still unsteady, tottering like a newborn foal that was still trying to find its way. Chinks in an already thin armor, she thought. And yet, every smile this boy fed her, every stupid little quirk of his lips could do ridiculous amounts to steady her. For the first time in far too long, Zaley took a step back from wallowing in her own pain to think of another soul, this soul in front of her. He seemed so very stable in comparison to all she’d seen, and it certainly was laughable to think about comparing him in any way to her own broken self. So why, then, was he here? What story hid in his eyes, nestled under a happy guise? Or maybe he truly was a better soul than she and it wasn’t a guise of happiness? Maybe he’d really found the way to get out of here alive. How she envied him for that, how she wanted to reach out and snatch a bit of this ethereal ease that hung about him, hold it to her chest to save for late at night, when she could examine it, crack its secrets open, and be the better for discovering its secret, magical glow. Contemplating this satisfying metaphor, the girl mused rather amicably (or so it seemed), ”Mmm, maybe. But fine isn’t as good as good, and good isn’t as good as great, right?”[/b] She laughed softly, sealing her voice off from the inner turmoil so it sounded completely natural, a tinkling happy laugh that passed almost flawlessly for genuine. She could do this, she could pretend it was all okay…Every time she opened her mouth, it became so very very much more difficult to not spill all her secrets, which was a new, uncomfortable feeling for her, yet not one that was too unbearable. She knew so many million other worse feelings than actual trust…wait, yes, there was no word for this other than trust. Trust! This unusual new feeling she was trying to contend with was trust! She trusted this boy, trusted him with anything other than her normal thin porcelain veneer! It was an astounding revelation, something so profound and nice, now that she’d identified it, that she glanced down, eyes widening, putting her fingers to her lip as she mouthed the word. Trust. How very very long it had been since she’d known that…Years, that was for certain. It may have seemed stupid to anyone else, but to Zaley, figuring out that this feeling in her chest was something good, something Anna had absolutely robbed her of thus far…Well, if she wasn’t trying really really hard (and probably failing) to not look crazy, she might have shed a tear or two. Of joy, of course. But instead she just shook her hair away from her face and flashed him a genuine smile, feeling a stupidly awesome warm fuzzy feeling trickle into her extremities as she did.

This newly discovered trust was something exciting, rare and beautiful and wild, flighty and thrilling like the sighting of a bird of prey between the trees as the car sped by. It felt temporary, fragile, and oh so very precious; Zaley wanted to close her hands around it and whisper all her secrets in that tight space before it disappeared forever.[/font]

words; idefk XD ?!
outfit; clickie ?!
tag; william (and dylan?) ?!
muse; it was good at school, dead at home to finish ?!
chat; bleck ?!
credit; lyrics--brittany spears, all else--me ?!

[/size][/font][/center]

[WILLIAM MOORE]

And now I realize how much you mean to me
What I came up with is
w i t h o u t y o u t h e r e ’ s n o m e a n i n g

THE INSTANT new personality continued to bubble from the gorgeous girl he'd just met, leaving him a few steps behind and in the dark with no idea what had happened. But that was okay. It was nothing new in a school like this for it to take three or four meetings to even begin to figure someone out, or at least the cover they presented. Will didn't remember what he'd been like when he'd got here. Quieter for sure, and much more in his own world as anorexia dominated his mind. The people here probably would have never figured it out had it not already been in the folder they had made for him, as they did for each student, that contained all his secrets and history. Nobody ever thought males could suffer from that caging illness. But whatever he had been like then he'd forced his way out of it and had managed to make it this far. He wasn't giving up now. Assuming the memories didn't pollute his mind any more then they already did. He hated having to watch the same thing over and over when the first time had destroyed him enough. Reliving it every night was... torturous? Deadly? Was there even a word for it?

”MMM, maybe. But fine isn’t as good as good, and good isn’t as good as great, right?” She replied to his comment, letting a light laugh slip between her lips. Comments like that only pulled the person saying them down. It labelled all their attempts pathetic, worthless and not good enough. In reality she'd been doing well for someone who had just arrived here. There were kids here who simply arrived and took the new home and life in their stride, but not everyone managed that. He'd seen some kids dragged into their rooms in the hospital wing screaming out that they refused to be a part of this. So Zaley here was probably sitting in the middle, where you'd expect most people to be. And he guessed she was doing the best with what she had. "Right, but no-one expects great. Like you said you only just got here.", he replied, "You're expecting too much of yourself." Gotta give yourself a chance and time. That's what they always told you right. It just takes time. Not everything healed or went away with time. It was just that you learnt to deal with whatever it was. But hey, same effect right.

SHE SEEMED to drift off into her own little world of thought, after a few seconds raising delicate fingers to her lips as they silently repeated something. Whatever it was seemed to please her. Finally disconnecting from her world she looked up at him and smiled, shaking the hair out of her face. He couldn't resist returning her smile, it was such a beautiful, infectious smile. What would it take for him to get her to smile like that more often? To make her happy? Oh how he wanted to know. Standing from his chair, bored of sitting still -though that was not to say the conversation was boring him- he made his way down the isle and swung up onto the stage that Zaley had recently retreated from upon his appearance. Collecting one of the acoustic guitars that stood against a wall near the other instruments, stored here for performances, he sat on the edge of the stage facing Zaley. His fingers moved over the strings, plucking out Emily by from first to last, one of the many songs in his memory bank. He loved the sound of the song and because it was quiet it left them able to speak with his playing as only a background, providing him something to do with his hands.

tagged' Zaley
status' complete
word count' 626
ooc' Sorrrrrry I disappeared!!!
Life got on top of me. Muse is failing.
All the usual excuses XD
lyrics' can i keep you - november blessing