break me down

[DYLAN MARSHALL TORRES]

YOUR DEFENSE WERE ON HIGH, YOUR WALLS BUILT DEEP INSIDE
YEAH I'M A SELFISH BASTARD BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT ALONE
MY INTENTIONS NEVER CHANGE, WHAT I WANT STILL STAYS THE SAME
AND I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, IT'S TIME TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE

[/font][/color]• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •[/center]

What time was it? Late... like very late for him even. Reeking of alcohol, he ventured boldly into the girl's dormitories. Down the hallway he walked, clumsily and sipping a small glass of some shit one of Stefano's friends was selling in the parking lot today. After the confrontation with Kara, he went outside to be alone. Cry, smoke, and brood over his miserable life. Self pity, that's the shit. Anyway, he dug around his car for a few bucks to pay for it and the other stuff he already downed as if on a suicide mission. Which he supposed this was. He had given up now. It was over. He couldn't beat the pain this time. There was no way he could get past Kara. She had been the one, maybe it was premature to say it but it was the truth. He knew it.

More drinking to his self pity ensued throughout the night in his room where he drew and then get into a fight with his room mate. Finally his dorm mate kicked him out. Fine, whatever. He'd feel sorry tomorrow when they find his body. He'd blame himself and wish he hadn't kicked Dylan out of the dorm. Oh... but he didn't really want that. The last thing he wanted was more pain on his part. Bored out of his mind, he sat on the stairs alone then the idea came. Kara...

"Where is she? Where's Kara? Bitch, you're hiding her aren't you? You're like those SOBs on 24..." he yelled knocking at some girl's door. Clementine Rose opened her door and said she was going to call a teacher over. "Fine, fuck you. I'm not inviting you to my funeral. Motherfucker, go ahead and call a teacher. They won't do anything. Look at me, they haven't fixed me." She shut the door and locked it. He knocked on it but kept walking in the dark hallway. "Kara.... Kara..." he called out, knocking on the next door. "Kara, if you're there...please open the door. Please." he begged at a door.

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TAG - kara!
WORDS - 343 words
NOTES - crap post but i'm going to bed.
LYRIC - 30 seconds to mars

[KARA LEE RICHARDS]

i can feel you all around me thickening the air im breathing
h o l d i n g o n t o w h a t i m f e e l i n g
Savouring this heart that's healing.

What was going on with her? Yesterday she'd let Dylan close and she'd believed what he'd told her. And today he'd nearly broken her. That wasn't who she was. She didn't need people. They meant nothing to her. They lied to her and they most certainly never broke her, never made her cry. Yet Dylan, in just a day, had managed to prove all of that wrong, making himself an exception. He'd worked his way into her head and now she couldn't get him out. Even after he'd hurt her, after their meeting, after her escape that pushed him away he was still there in her thoughts. Memories kept forcing their way into her head, his plea kept coming back to her. Don't do this to me. Yet she had. She'd turned and walked away to satisfy her own fear. She didn't understand why she couldn't hate him, why even when she was angry at him she didn't want to lose him, why she wanted him to hold her again even after he'd broken his promise. How could he have done this to her?

After drifting around the school all afternoon she'd finally ended up back in her dorm. Now she lay, buried amongst the sheets, staring into the late night darkness that invaded her dorm room fought only by the glow from the digital clock which sat on her desk. Her thoughts were empty, as if having run out of emotion and gone numb, but her hand clasp the golden heart of the locket that hung around her neck. She knew that if she closed her eyes and slept to free herself of having to think the nightmares would come and she'd once again be in her fathers hands so instead she just rested beneath the covers, listening to the sounds the night brought with it. Suddenly the quiet was pushed aside as yelling sounded through the hallways, the male voice heavily drunk. What the hell was going on? She listened, trying to capture the slurring words through the walls. There was a pause as someone else spoke, their words too quiet to be audible to her, then the sound of a door closing as the yelling resumed, look at me, they haven't fixed me. Now the voice moved closer, yelling out her name, calling for her.

Dragging herself out of bed she made her way across the room as a knocking began on her door, accompanying the drunken yelling. She knew it was Dylan, even drunk his voice was recognizable to her. Why was he here? "Kara, if you're there...please open the door. Please." Not bothering with a light she made it to the door and opened it. The boy that stood in front of her was Dylan, just. He looked as though he had been drinking himself to oblivion and even now, held a glass in his hand containing god knows what. For a moment she just stood, unsure of how to react. What had he done? Was this her fault? Dread filled her. It was her fault.

Tagged`Dylan
Status`complete
Word Count`509
ooc` ...
lyrics`all around me - flyleaf

[DYLAN MARSHALL TORRES]

YOUR DEFENSE WERE ON HIGH, YOUR WALLS BUILT DEEP INSIDE
YEAH I'M A SELFISH BASTARD BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT ALONE
MY INTENTIONS NEVER CHANGE, WHAT I WANT STILL STAYS THE SAME
AND I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, IT'S TIME TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE

[/font][/color]• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •[/center]

What the fuck was he doing? Who does this shit to people? Harass them drunk? Why that was what his step father did once when his mother kicked him out of the house for a week. He kept coming over at night, drunk and screaming. He remembered how he continued slamming his fist on the door and how once his mother finally called the cops. That was his first time seeing cops up close. Too bad it wasn't his last. What was hilarious, he thought he liked police officers- admired them even. Now he knew the truth. They were all shit heads and dumb fucks. But eh, he could identify with them? They held a gun, the power of death in their hands. So did he. His hand tightened around the bottle.

Back to flash back... Thank GOD they made up after a couple nights of that, Dylan needed some frickin' sleep. Between his mommy sobbing into the dog's fur and arguing stupid incoherent arguments with his stepfather, it was a 24 hour party. Now he probably just woke Kara up, along with every other girl on this floor. But he was too drunk to care, which made him feel more crappy. Because what kind of person was he becoming? His stepfather? Or heaven forbid, his real father? No. Whatever. Etc. He was nothing like either of them. He was cutting the quick before it would come to that. "Kara!" he said before attempting another sip of his drink, but that was stopped short. The door opened. Kara was staring at him, she was like a ghost in the dark. Pretty pretty Kara. Why weren't there any other guys here, longing to be by at her side? He wanted to kiss her and hold her close, this time tightly so that she wouldn't go again. But she was a ghost. "You're so beautiful." he said.

He didn't blame her for anything. For walking away, for his binge, for anything. It was all him. It always was him. Whatever it was, it was him. And this embarassing display proves it. "There you are." he said, smirking then frowning. "I fucking looked everywhere for you. Fuck, girl..." he said eloquently through a classic slurred voice. Damn, he loved being drunk. It was better than anything, that was for sure. Everything was just television this way. You feel nothing. To be fucked up and to finally show it off, well, it's an honor or something. This was a going away party. After leaving her, he'd go to his stash in his room and drink it all away. Dispose himself finally. "I had to see you Kara... one more time you know?" he said, leaning against his hand that leaned against the door frame.

He blamed nothing on her and yet she could stop this. Wasn't it pathetic? He was unwilling to live on just for himself. It wasn't worth it. God would understand, he felt that was certain. But what did he know, he was just a stupid drunk. He was probably going to hell. Dull pain throbbed inside him at that thought. He took another sip of his drink, clumsily so. Wiping his mouth with his arm, he said "Did you miss me?" He frowned again when he noticed the necklace around her neck. That damn fucking necklace ruined EVERYTHING. That wasn't fair, it was all him. Stupid, it was always him. "You probably didn't. Why would you?" His eyes peered behind her thin body to her dark room. What was her room like? He was suddenly dying to know. "Let me in? Come on..."

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TAG - kara!
WORDS - 600 words
NOTES -
LYRIC - 30 seconds to mars

[KARA LEE RICHARDS]

i can feel you all around me thickening the air im breathing
h o l d i n g o n t o w h a t i m f e e l i n g
Savouring this heart that's healing.

His bottle was halfway to his lips though he didn't need any more drink. He'd had too much already. What was he trying to drink away? Memories or himself? "You're so beautiful" he said as he stared back at her, talking almost to himself. Nobody aside from Chloe had ever said that about her, but who trusted what a four year old said when they were looking at a bruised copy of a girl. Her father, who'd caused those bruises, had always told her the complete opposite in rampages that lacked elegance but not cussing and pure hate and if you are told something often enough about yourself, you will eventually believe it. That was all part of being human. And there she was. Stuck with her mind in the past again.

"There you are" he slurred, as if only just realising she was there in front of him. His familiar smirk returned, though tainted by drink, before he frowned. "I fucking looked everywhere for you. Fuck, girl..." If there was an end to his sentence it never came. She'd told him to leave her alone. Why was he back? Why didn't he just give up like everyone else. Despite her hurting them both today he was still persisting. "What are you doing here?" she asked, finding her voice again. Was the drink causing him to turn up here and say whatever passed between his lips? Or was it simply giving him the courage, or stupidity, to do it? He leant against the door frame of her room. "I had to see you Kara... one more time you know?" One more time? What did he mean? He would see her around the school. The only difference would be the distance between them. She didn't want that distance there, but she needed it to keep her safe.

He took a drink from the bottle he held, wiping his arm across his mouth afterwards. "Did you miss me?" he questioned her, his words displaying the drink audibly. Before she could even reply his eyes went to her neck and he frowned and began answering himself. "You probably didn't. Why would you?" She didn't even know how to reply to that but she doubted his drunken mind really needed an answer. His attention had already moved on to the dark room behind her anyway. "Let me in? Come on..." She hesitated then stepped aside to allow him to enter. The teacher would catch him soon if he didn't get out of the hallway and it looked like he wasn't going to leave -and she doubted he would make it down the stairs- and other students were starting to get annoyed with them though no-one said anything due to it's being Dylan and Kara.

Closing the door behind them she turned and leant against it as she watched him. How much had he drunk tonight? He was a complete mess, it was clear, even in the dark of her room. There wasn't a hell of a lot for him to examine in the room. At one end a large full length mirror hung beside the door to the bathroom. Together Kara and her room mate had covered one of the adjacent walls in posters of bands, though they had hardly ever actually talked and were rarely in the room at the same time. Her room mate was hardly ever here, preferring to go out and party or stay with friends but that didn't bother Kara, it meant she had a place to go where she could be alone.

Despite her room mates constant absence her desk still sat covered in papers and various assortments of pens and pencils, her bed sat made with lights entwined around the head of its frame. The bedside table to go with it held only a photo of her and her friends. Kara's own bed sat unmade, her having just crawled out of it. Beside it her bedside table held only her ipod with its tangle of earphones and his lighter. Her digital clock, a lamp and her bag sat on her desk, the only paper on it being Dylan's drawing. She had nothing personal to hang from the walls or place around the room, her locket was all that was left.

Tagged`Dylan
Status`complete
Word Count`709
ooc` yeah I don't like this post either sorry
lyrics`all around me - flyleaf

[DYLAN MARSHALL TORRES]

YOUR DEFENSE WERE ON HIGH, YOUR WALLS BUILT DEEP INSIDE
YEAH I'M A SELFISH BASTARD BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT ALONE
MY INTENTIONS NEVER CHANGE, WHAT I WANT STILL STAYS THE SAME
AND I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, IT'S TIME TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE

[/font][/color]• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •[/center]

Stone. She was always, always like stone. Never betraying emotion, if she had any or not. But he believed she did. He believed alot of things though. What's worse for being a believer, he was lost in despair. Man... he hadn't been this drunk in forever. He was a regular drinker for sure, but he had control over it. This was on purpose. First time he got drunk was by pure accident and not knowing his limits. He did know them and he was exploiting them. Not that it mattered to him or anyone for that matter. Not to his mother, his stepfather, his real father, the teachers here, Stefano, or even Kara.

Why didn't Kara care? She let him in the room, for what reason was beyond his intoxicated mind. He wouldn't let himself in, or maybe he would but only to feel good about himself, like he was actually a decent person. He was full of bullshit wasn't he? Inside the darkness, he noticed all the powers covering the walls, clueing him in on her music tastes. He never thought about what kind of music she liked, now he had an idea of it. Just great, now he began to learn more about her when the end was near. There was a chaotic desk, two empty beds, and two bedside tables. One of Kara's roommate's photos he supposed. What was their relationship like? Anything like his roommates and him? Hmph, his damn roommate had the nerve to kick him out tonight. He was still pissed about that. On the other table was a piece of paper that was clearly his picture. So she kept it? She didn't just toss it away?

Doubts, doubts on his doubts, it was so damn confusing! He stared down at her portrait he drew, feeling oddly melancholy about it. Why couldn't she accept what he was ready to give her? He knew he screwed it up but it was a fluke. He was ready now, to serve someone. Why didn't she understand? It was quiet, he sighed. "You know what love is?" he asked Kara, back still facing her. He waited a moment for an answer he figured he wouldn't hear. "Love is... a fucking verb. You know? It's not what you say, it's what you do." She may already know this, probably did. She probably didn't want to hear it, a lecture from a mindless lunatic drunk. He didn't care. She was going to hear him out. He set his bottle down, loudly, on her bedside table. "I spent three years in fucking juvie for a fucking mom who turns out didn't give a shit!" he turned around, scowling at the face he love. She was now everything, his salvation and murderer.

"Then I meet you and I'm all wanting to give it another shot. See how stupid I am? But it's not just me, you're stupid too. You're so stupid. You think I picked up your necklace 'cause I wanted to go pawn it? Idiot... I picked it up and it made me think of you. And I like thinking about you. I like being with you, I like how you're tough... fuck it, I love you. I love you. You know that? And you fucking walk away from me? How can you walking away from me?" without even realizing it, he was crying as he ranted to her. "I was ready to give you everything I got, I would take prison again for you. And you walk away? Damn it Kara! I wouldn't do that to you. I told you everything. You know my story, you know the truth, no one else does. And you don't even have to tell me about your story, because I know it hurts. I don't want you to hurt... Knowing that I hurt you, I want to fucking die now. Watching you walk away... fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

TAG - kara!
WORDS - 651 words
NOTES -
LYRIC - 30 seconds to mars

[KARA LEE RICHARDS]

i can feel you all around me thickening the air im breathing
h o l d i n g o n t o w h a t i m f e e l i n g
Savouring this heart that's healing.

She leant back against the door as she watched him look around her dorm room and move over to where his sketch sat. She didn't now why she'd kept it. She'd been about to throw it out but something had stopped her. Something had told her that his drawing was important, special. "You know what love is?" No, she didn't, not really. She knew only what love wasn't. She'd only ever loved and been loved by her siblings but that wasn't what he meant was it? It had been her parents to show her what love wasn't. She didn't reply to his question, he wouldn't understand if she did. He placed his bottle down on her beside table before he continued on with what he was saying, beginning to return to his past. As he spoke his voice became angrier until finally he turned to face her, a scowl across his face as he looked at her. She pressed herself back against the door and suddenly realised he was scaring her, he really was. Angry drunks had only ever meant one thing to her though deep down she knew Dylan would never hurt her, not like that anyway.

he seemed to calm down a bit before he continued on with his explanation, if that's what you'd call it. "And then i meet you..." She watched him, listening to every word he spoke, even when he told her how stupid she was, though his tone told her he meant it differently. "fuck it, I love you. I love you. You know that?" The world dropped away from beneath her at his words. He couldn't love her. She was Kara. She was unlovable. He was breaking down in front of her as he spoke. "And you walk away? Damn it Kara!" She lowered her head, unable to face him anymore. She didn't want to see him break. She didn't want to hear how much she'd hurt him but still he continued on. "I want to fucking die now" She wanted to put her hands over her ears and close her eyes, make it all go away. She'd hurt him so badly. Eventually his rant dissolved away into swearing.

She sank down, her back against the door, until she sat on the floor with her knees pulled up. What had she done? She'd destroyed Dylan. Her fingers found their way into her hair as she fought to hold back tears. She couldn't take this. "I'm sorry" she whispered, her voice cracking with the waiting tears. She knew it wasn't enough but she had little else to offer him. She wasn't tough like he thought. She was weak, she was broken and she was scared. That was all. She slowly let her hands drop to her lap and looked up at him. "I never wanted to hurt you" Still she whispered, unable to trust her voice to speak any louder. She let the quiet enclose them for a minute before she continued, "I don't want to be away from you Dylan. You make everything better. I don't know how but you do. The other night... you made me feel so safe like... like nothing could hurt me. Nobody has ever..." her voice faded off. She didn't understand any of this. She didn't understand how she could be so open and honest with him, she didn't understand the way he made her feel and she didn't understand how he could love her.

Tagged`Dylan
Status`complete
Word Count`575
ooc` my com went spazz and closed my
first post before I could post it soooo here's
the best replacement one I can come up with
at 2:40 in the morning =]
lyrics`all around me - flyleaf

[DYLAN MARSHALL TORRES]

YOUR DEFENSE WERE ON HIGH, YOUR WALLS BUILT DEEP INSIDE
YEAH I'M A SELFISH BASTARD BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT ALONE
MY INTENTIONS NEVER CHANGE, WHAT I WANT STILL STAYS THE SAME
AND I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, IT'S TIME TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE

[/font][/color]• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •[/center]

It was unbelieveable that he was giving it all away, revealing his most vunerable spot and without much concern on how it could come back to haunt him. He figured it can't haunt you if you're dead, right? He hadn't meant for his raging rant to result in her in pain. He needed her, anyone to hear him for once in his life. When she sank down to the floor, literally shutting down in front of him, his fury fell away too. What replaced it was the emotions that brought him. Longing to help her, be there for her. Now he was back, sort of. He was still drunk, dizzy, crazy, stupid- the list could go on infinitely. He stared down at her. He had never seen her like this before. He didn't know what to think anymore.

'I'm sorry' It was barely audible to his ears. Her voice was vunerable. She never wanted to hurt you. He wished he could say she didn't but she did, but he provoked it. He brought it on himself, right? He didn't know anymore. When it went more quiet, he tried to balance the thoughts. She had every right to reject him but he wasn't going to take it lightly. That was what all this was about, right? He loved her and what made him really hurt was that she sat there, on the floor, broken over him all of the sudden. People don't do that, break over him. They break over his stepfather walking out. Never him. He was second best, always. His crying was waning, only to hear her more clearly. I don't want to be away from you Dylan. You make everything better. I don't know how but you do. The other night... you made me feel so safe like... like nothing could hurt me. Nobody has ever... "Nobody?" he asked, looking at her.

"How can nobody want to keep you safe?" he asked, trying to think but too drunk to give a decent try. Instead, he slowly bent his knees then plopped on the floor in front of her. "Somehow... when I'm around you, I'm a kid again." he mumbled, leaning back on a hand then straightening up. He didn't look at her from so close yet... he wiped his tears away. "I'm sorry Kara... I'm so sorry." he said sadly, and slurred.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

TAG - kara!
WORDS - 392 words
NOTES - writing seems to be so much easier really late at night, unfortunately i sleep alot... i go to bed early and i sleep late... so... never seems to work out for me. good for you though!! XDD
LYRIC - 30 seconds to mars

[KARA LEE RICHARDS]

i can feel you all around me thickening the air im breathing
h o l d i n g o n t o w h a t i m f e e l i n g
Savouring this heart that's healing.

Why was he still here? Why was he fighting for her? She wasn't worth it. Look at what she'd managed to do, cause him to drink himself into the mess he was now and caused him to hurt. How could she have done that to him? Why to Dylan? Why not someone else? Why not someone who didn't matter? He meant something to her. The only person left in the world to matter and she'd successfully destroyed him. Congratulations Kara. She hardly trusted her shaky voice to complete her sentence as she told him she'd never wanted to hurt him. Her voice was giving her away, everything was right now and she didn't care enough to hide it. She was trying hard to hold back seventeen years of pain. She'd never felt it before but now it all came at once, overwhelming her but she continued to force herself to speak, telling him things she never would have dared to say to anyone else. She was putting it all on the line, again. Last time she'd done that they'd ended up here. How could she even begin to believe this would end any better? "Nobody?" he asked. She shook her head lightly. Nobody. Her mother had just walked out and left them there knowing full well what their father was like, their father was self explanatory. The teachers had thought of her only as a thief who stole from other children's lunch boxes. And the children well... they rejected anyone who was different. A mute half-starved child was hardly considered normal. Then here. Here she'd always been alone. Until now. Until Dylan.

"How can nobody want to keep you safe?" he questioned. She didn't know how to answer that one. Because she was Kara had always been a sufficient reason for her but she doubted that would satisfy Dylan. In the darkness he lowered himself down to sit in front of her, closer to her now but still a greater distance than he'd been at the night before. She wanted him close again. "Somehow... when I'm around you, I'm a kid again." his voice had become quiet like her own. Sitting up straight he wiped away the last of his tears. The tears she'd caused. Would he have broken had he not been so drunk? "I'm sorry Kara... I'm so sorry." She bit her lip and looked down, still fighting hard to hold back her own tears. She didn't want to break. She wanted to take away his sadness and hurt. God, would she ever be able to forgive herself for what she'd done to him. What if she hurt him again? Would it be worse than now? Was it possible to be worse? He was hurting, drunk, in tears and suicidal. Over her? Her teeth still engraved themselves on her lip as she fought against her own thoughts and emotions. She could wipe them away if she wanted, she'd had alot of practise. But she didn't want to. She didn't want to break but she wanted to feel it while she could. She'd never had the option before. Dylan seemed to have a way of making her feel. Feel the happiness and excitement, the pain and hurt, all of it. How the hell did he do that?

Tagged`Dylan
Status`complete
Word Count`547
ooc` haha I hardly sleep. kinda sucks.
lyrics`all around me - flyleaf

[DYLAN MARSHALL TORRES]

YOUR DEFENSE WERE ON HIGH, YOUR WALLS BUILT DEEP INSIDE
YEAH I'M A SELFISH BASTARD BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT ALONE
MY INTENTIONS NEVER CHANGE, WHAT I WANT STILL STAYS THE SAME
AND I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, IT'S TIME TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE

[/font][/color]• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •[/center]

So here's how it is. It was her or death. That's all he could see. Life without her wouldn't be worth it now. He needed her more than she realized and he knew she probably needed him. And God, he wanted to be needed... he just wanted that dedication or just love requited for once. He felt so wounded, by everything. So beaten down and he couldn't be indifferent anymore. Something had to give. Kara didnt' cause this, this had been building up since the cops put cuffs on him. But Kara... she did push it, stir up what he thought was rock hard solid by now. It was quiet again and he was so drunk out of his mind. But he could see her starting to crack for the first time he's ever known her. Was this a good thing, for her to unravel? He certainly had undid the tight wounding he had done to himself and he was this pathetic mess. He slid himself closer to her til he was right in front of her next to the door. He pulled her into a hug, not knowing what this would mean. What was going to happen now that he's said and done all this shit. It didn't matter really. There was no needed concern over him. "What do I do?" he asked quietly to her, still not letting her free from his hug. He didn't want to ever let go, not again. But what if she pushed him away? It would be over. But if she didn't struggle, if she held on to him, maybe that would mean he could be given the job of protecting her like he longed for. He didn't know though. It was all in her hands in a way and he felt horribly guilty for putting that on her.

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TAG - kara!
WORDS - 306 words
NOTES - that sucks man!! i would go crazy. short sorry.
LYRIC - 30 seconds to mars

[KARA LEE RICHARDS]

i can feel you all around me thickening the air im breathing
h o l d i n g o n t o w h a t i m f e e l i n g
Savouring this heart that's healing.

This was too hard. It hurt. Was it supposed to hurt this much? How had he done this to her? She blamed him for this, for her breaking. He was the one who had started the game, who had kissed her first, who had taken her locket, come after her today and had now turned up here telling her he wanted to die because of her. Until him she had been fine. She'd been strong and had kept herself safe. She hadn't needed him to make her okay. Instead of looking up at him, her eyes were looking at her hands in her lap, nestled between her body and pulled up legs, as her teeth slowly engraved their mark into her lip, fighting to hold back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.

He moved closer, sliding forward towards her. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her against him into a hug. 'what do I do?' He asked quietly. The tears almost became freed with his arms around her. No! It wasn't okay to cry. It wasn't okay to break. Despite knowing he was a lot stronger than her she began struggling against him, trying to free herself from his hold. She didn't want to be away from him but he was making all her little cracks show. The cracks she'd been working so hard to cover all her life. She was allowing the fear, anger and hate of breaking to take over again. "What have you done to me?" she cried as she fought against him. She pushed away from him with her hands to his chest, her strength nowhere near enough to break his hold. She continued to fight against him. She hit the side of her fist against him, though not hard enough to cause any harm then it stopped. She put her forehead against his shoulder, fingers clinging to his shirt.

She clung to him in the darkness just wanting him close, scared he would get up and walk out now. "I'm sorry, please don't leave me, don't leave me" she whispered to him, terrified he wouldn't forgive her.

Tagged`Dylan
Status`complete
Word Count`354
ooc` oh I do sometimes,
laying in bed not sleeping is torturous some nights
This ones short too sorry
lyrics`all around me - flyleaf

[DYLAN MARSHALL TORRES]

YOUR DEFENSE WERE ON HIGH, YOUR WALLS BUILT DEEP INSIDE
YEAH I'M A SELFISH BASTARD BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT ALONE
MY INTENTIONS NEVER CHANGE, WHAT I WANT STILL STAYS THE SAME
AND I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, IT'S TIME TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE

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He was so shocked by the sudden force, though it was kind of puny compared to the hold he had around her. It was just unexpected. 'What have you done to me?' His eyes widened as he hung on to her, fighting him away. "What?" he asked desperately. No... don't fight, don't fight to get away. His heart seemed to just clench with fear at the question what he had done to her. "What have I done?" he asked, voice cracking. Then he felt her fist hit him. It didn't hurt but again, he was clueless. Like a dog who's owner suddenly began to beat. The dog doesn't understand and just looks to his master with a plea in it's eyes. As quickly as she lashed out at him, to push him away, she then clung to him. He didn't understand this at all. Nothing made sense anymore. And he never thought it should. But if it did make sense, then he had never been wise enough to know. He never fought to understand, now he did.

He couldn't see her in the dark, but she was closer to him than ever now. Now she relaxed, sort of, she was still tense. Kara was acting the most emotional he had ever witness and pathetically, all he could do was sit here, holding her close like she did. He didn't feel like it was enough. Especially when he was drunk and had done something awful to her. I'm sorry, please don't leave me, don't leave me This was more confusing than ever. He felt stupid, more stupid than he did watching Reno 911. Don't leave? Just a moment ago, she had tried pushing him away as a victim. He wasn't going to make her victim, not anymore. Despair filled him like the smirnoff had. He clung to her and shook his head. "No... not if I hurt you." he said, fighting tears that were threatening to come again.

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TAG - kara!
WORDS - 326 words
NOTES - aw, sorry. =/ you know what has helped me sleep tremendously. i started a very light prescription of prozac for anxiety and i started jogging, alot. it wears you out.
LYRIC - 30 seconds to mars

[KARA LEE RICHARDS]

i can feel you all around me thickening the air im breathing
h o l d i n g o n t o w h a t i m f e e l i n g
Savouring this heart that's healing.

"What?" he asked, his voice desperate as he held onto her, not allowing her to push them apart. "What have I done?" his voice was cracking and his confusion showed through. She knew she wasn't making sense. For it all to make sense you had to know her past and her thoughts. He didn't let go, he didn't stop her, he just let her wear herself down with his arms around her. And finally she ran out of fear and clung to him, eyes closed to stop any tears. "You made me break. You made me feel and..." she whispered into him, finally able to answer his question to some extent. He'd made her feel, he'd made her come too close to crying. To feel was to put yourself in danger, to risk letting people know what was in your head and risk getting your hopes up to be let down. And crying, that was not okay. Ever. She was struggling to understand everything that was being thrown at her, from Dylan and within. Everything in this was new, and she wasn't sure it was good but she knew tomorrow she could wake up with a new day and be her again. Be strong again.

"I'm sorry, please don't leave me, don't leave me" her voice was still quiet as she spoke. He could so easily decide she was too much trouble, let go of her, stand and walk out, even her fingers clinging to his shirt wouldn't be able to stop him. But he didn't let go, he remained with his arms around her as she clung to him, calming down again. "No... not if I hurt you." She felt him shake his head and heard the tears in his voice. Once they both got over this hurt they would be okay, they would both be themselves again. She didn't know how to cope with having so many emotions, some she wasn't even sure she recognised but if dealing with them meant Dylan would be in her life, then maybe that was okay. "I wouldn't have walked away, if I'd know it'd hurt you so much. I didn't think you'd really care..." she replied quietly. She hadn't wanted to hurt him, or meant to, but she had walked away and tonight he had shown her that she had as much effect on him as he had on her. She regretted it but there was no way to take it back, she could only hope to make it up to him, somehow.

Tagged`Dylan
Status`complete
Word Count`421
ooc` I did go for a daily jog for a bit last year,
didn't help much and its way too hard with the
Australian weather and the fact that we live on
top of a hill means after you have tired yourself
out with a run you have to try and get back up
XD was fail haha
lyrics`all around me - flyleaf

[DYLAN MARSHALL TORRES]

YOUR DEFENSE WERE ON HIGH, YOUR WALLS BUILT DEEP INSIDE
YEAH I'M A SELFISH BASTARD BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT ALONE
MY INTENTIONS NEVER CHANGE, WHAT I WANT STILL STAYS THE SAME
AND I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, IT'S TIME TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE

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"You made me break. You made me feel and..." It was starting to come together, sort of. If by come together meant bunny ear tying flimsy strings together. He made her feel. He knew that must be a bad thing because in his experience apathy was a way of survival. Memories can be more powerful than you if aren't viligant... but he hadn't known he had any effect on her whatsoever. When she walked away, it made sense, hadn't it? It may have been devastating but it wasn't unexplainable one bit. "...I'm sorry. I didn't know." he answered, regretting ever knowing her now. If he hadn't known her, things would be the same. She would be surviving and he'd be 'just all right'. He'd still be drawing uninspired pictures, ignoring people, studying for tests, and then drinking before bed. Now it was all mixed up. Every picture was of Kara, whether or not that was his intention when he picks up the pen. He didn't ignore people, he searched through their crowds hoping to spot her. Acing every assignment now were empty accomplishments. She was so quiet and in his arms, she was tiny and she felt so fragile. It was the strangest thing to see. He was used to strong unbreakable Kara.

What was going to happen now? He couldn't think or wonder about it. He was too drunk to try. That was the point of drinking, to let yourself slip under amnesia. Did this mean that Kara wanted him to leave? Or did she really want him to stay? He would do whatever she decided. She now knew about him. There was nothing left to know about him. He fought for her and he had no more strength to keep on. She was either the poison or medicine, he take it now. No more fighting, whining and bitching. She had said sorry but he still didn't know where they stood one bit. Maybe if he were somber, it'd be a no-brainer. "I wouldn't have walked away, if I'd know it'd hurt you so much. I didn't think you'd really care..." she said so quietly. He didn't know he cared so much or that it would hurt him like it did. "I'm in love with you." he said, staying firm in that statement.

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TAG - kara!
WORDS - 383 words
NOTES -
LYRIC - 30 seconds to mars

[KARA LEE RICHARDS]

i can feel you all around me thickening the air im breathing
h o l d i n g o n t o w h a t i m f e e l i n g
Savouring this heart that's healing.

"...I'm sorry. I didn't know." It wasn't something for him to apologise for. She was yet to figure out herself whether it was a good thing or a bad thing for her to feel and there were too many ways to look at the pros and cons of it to even begin trying to understand it. It didn't matter anyway did it? She didn't know what half the emotions were, and tomorrow she would be okay again and be back to her usual self. Strong and safe. She was sure of it. But for tonight she was okay with letting herself feel the pain of life, no matter how much it hurt. She just hoped Dylan would forgive her for it, should he even remember in the morning after so much alcohol. She was still upset with herself for causing Dylan's current beyond-drunk state. It was because of how she'd hurt him that he was such a mess. Would he be okay in the morning too?

She'd calmed now from her fear and anger, finding comfort once again in his arms. Quietly she told him she never would have walked away, had she known it would hurt him so much as it clearly had. And it was the honest truth. Would he stay with her or would he walk away like she had to him? "I'm in love with you." She heard his voice in the darkness. It still seemed so impossible for him to love her. She didn't know what love was, she didn't know how it felt. Would she ever recognise it? All she knew was that nobody had ever loved her aside from her siblings and she had been told time and time again she was unlovable. And on top of that, he was drunk. But somehow she still believed there was honesty in his words. The thing was, "Will you still love me tomorrow?" she asked. Would he still love her tomorrow when he was sober?

Tagged`Dylan
Status`complete
Word Count`329
ooc` short sorry
lyrics`all around me - flyleaf

[DYLAN MARSHALL TORRES]

YOUR DEFENSE WERE ON HIGH, YOUR WALLS BUILT DEEP INSIDE
YEAH I'M A SELFISH BASTARD BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT ALONE
MY INTENTIONS NEVER CHANGE, WHAT I WANT STILL STAYS THE SAME
AND I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, IT'S TIME TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE

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He never doubted what she said. He couldn't comprehend the idea of her lying. She resorted to silence, not lies. He trusted her and understood now her way of survival. Why she'd walk away. She sacrificed everything for her survival. He didn't blame her. He understood it. But she had to understand that he wanted to help her survive, live, maybe one day smile. God, if he could one day make her smile or just see her smile... He felt so attached, like she was the only thing that made his heart beat. She was great to draw, her long dark hair reaching her shoulders. Her menacing full pierced lips that kissed so gently. Her dark lined blue eyes, that didn't flicker. Just stood cold. How in the world had he broke through to her? How had he make her break? How did he love her like he did? It felt so easy, so obvious and natural. Why did she question it when he felt so passionate for her?

It was survival. And Dylan was no liar either. He resorted to quiet or the middle finger to get his point across. But that wasn't necessary. Drunk or somber, he knew how he felt about her. The answer was "Yes." he said simply, honest. Dylan being lame as he is, was unhappy by how short that one word is. One word didn't explain this, it couldn't. So being drunk out of his mind, he ruined the simplicity of his answer and added "And the day after tomorrow... Drunk or somber, you're all I think about." he was holding her close still. He wanted to hold her forever and ever, if she allowed it. If she'd have him.

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TAG - kara!
WORDS - 285 words
NOTES - didn't mean to ignore your ooc post! anyway, i'm so naive about what it's like in australia. eh. but man, that sucks not getting sleep. i have a friend and my dad's like that. i can imagine it's tough. =/ cruddy post eh.
LYRIC - 30 seconds to mars